I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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