Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
