bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
