Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize