uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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