Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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