I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
