Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
