Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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