apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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