shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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