you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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