Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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