The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had sex on a roof
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
