she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize