I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
