that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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