It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
