Small penises have feelings too.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
