Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
