All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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