she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
