I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
