one might say we're banned from that church
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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