Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
whose parrot is this?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
