Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
