that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
