I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
