At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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