Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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