You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Me too!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
