I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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