i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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