handjob tips. give me some.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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