I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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