Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
