What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
