allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
