Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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