I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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