You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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