That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
