he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
