I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.