I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.