I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.