Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me