She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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