he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
