talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
