I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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