I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
