The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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