I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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