What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
