i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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