yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
