So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
