Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
