i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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