I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
