Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
