I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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