I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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